Waiting...Still Torture

So, I got a mole taken off last Thursday. It was close to round, but the border seemed to be spreading a little.It was also two shades of brown, although my doctor noted three shades when he looked at it through his glasses. I hadn't noticed it spread or change, but I hadn't really been monitoring it, so I don't really know. My doctor told me it could be atypical or melanoma and, for some reason, I walked out of there determined to stay calm and not focus on the melanoma part of that sentence. Not even two weeks before, I had had three other disturbing moles taken, and they came back atypical. At least that made me realize such a thing is possible, so worry kept in check.

But, ever since getting Mr. Blacky taken off, PANIC has become my emotional state, and my panic is now transferring to this mole. I noticed, right after I had it taken off, the wound site had a cloudy appearance. It looked different than the wounds left behind by the three moles I had taken off just previously, but those had looked slightly different from each other as well. I hadn't really been paying close attention to the wound until yesterday when I noticed some disturbing features. The top part seemed darker than the bottom part, and you can probably guess where this observation took me-- THE DAMN MOLE IS REALLY DEEP AND HE DIDN'T GET IT ALL AND THIS HAS GOT TO BE CANCER AND THE CANCER HAS GOT TO BE ADVANCED. I started feeling my armpits like a mad woman for swollen lymph nodes.

Today, I have checked it out numerous times and, today, all of the wound is dark. Maybe it was just starting to scab over yesterday, but it hadn't made it all the way to the bottom of the wound. This makes me feel *slightly* better about the mole. But...and this is a big but...I noticed when I got out of the shower and the wound was still a little soggy and softened by the water, the grey tone was still there and I swear you can see pigment underneath, like a whole big section of it. From what I understand, he did the kind of biopsy where he scoops it out and tries to get the whole thing (so not a shave). But, Dr. Google tells me those kind of biopsies go to a maximum of .4 mm deep. I know, if this is melanoma, I want the cancer to be no more than .5 mm...so, even ole "Math is Hard Barbie" (remember her??) could probably figure out that remaining pigment does not bode well if this is cancer.

I went through this process last time too. One of the wound sites looked really different than the others and I thought I saw pigment and my husband told me, "Penelope, you have no way of interpreting what the appearance of the wounds might mean, so just put it out of your mind." Why, oh why did I pick such a reasonable life partner? I CAN'T JUST PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND.

I am desperate to get my results on this mole. Last time, I also had my moles removed on a Thursday and got my results 9 days later, taking me to Saturday. I really really really really really really really really really really hope history repeats and I get the word on this on Saturday. At least a Saturday phone call means it was put on the automated system and probably just an abnormole.