This is my very first post, and I really have no idea what I'm doing, so I hope this works out.
I'm sitting here in panic over something new going on with my skin. About four days ago, I noticed the teeniest blackish bump appear on my skin. It looks like a blackhead almost, about the size of a pore with a tiny bit of broken skin on one side of it. Of course, I squeezed it some, but nothing happened- no oozing or movement from the "thing." I'm not sure it's even a blackhead- did I mentioned it's on my wrist? Yeah, it's on my wrist, not exactly prime real estate for blackheads.
Two months ago, such a development wouldn't have phased me. I probably wouldn't have noticed it. But, a lot of things can change in two months. About a month ago, I noticed a new freckle appear on my hand and, uncharacteristically, that got the old wheels turning. I started looking at some of the moles on my pale body-- and I noticed a few that looked "bad." One was a dark mole surrounded by freckles on a spot of chest that had blistered when I was maybe 15 or 16 (stupid 80s!) The mole, I noticed, had a white ring around it. Gulp. Another was on my back, also in a sun damaged area. That one was also dark, definitely less than 5 mm but it had an inflamed, pink border around it. Gulp. Gulp. There were many other moles as well that disturbed me. My trip to the dermatologist resulted in three biopsies. These came back benign-- slightly atypical Clark's nevi.
The benign findings were a relief and not a relief. That trip to the dermatologist had not been a full body check so, given three suspicious moles that I was absolutely SURE in my heart of hearts were melanoma, I scheduled a full body exam. This resulted in one more problematic mole, this time on a sun damaged part of my arm. I'm still waiting on the biopsy results on that mole. I've got several days of waiting before I know the facts.
And, then, I notice d this blackhead.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my foray into ugly moles and melanoma scares sent me into the arms of Dr. Google and, as a result, I am all too aware that numerous people writing about their melanomas on the Internet describe them as beginning as a blackhead. Gulp. I feel so ridiculous going back to the dermatologist since it hasn't even been a week since I saw him last. But, Little Blacky refuses to let me forget about him. Of course, I have pressed on him a few times to see if there was any cyst or lump underneath. I don't know if that is the culprit or something more sinister, but there is now a small bruise shooting out the right side of the blackhead. I am beside myself with fear.
Hi Penelope,
ReplyDeleteI understand your fear. Connect with me via email at carol_c_taylor@yahoo.com or on Facebook at Melanoma Prayer Center. Dr. Google isn't always the most reliable source of info and certainly not great for support. There's a thriving, growing online melanoma community waiting to walk with you. Get this new place biopsied. Prayers your biopsies come back clean. Always get things checked out Thanks for reaching out to me on my blog. I've added your blog to my list of melanoma bloggers http://letsgivethanks.blogspot.com/2012/01/they-dare-to-care.html
Blessings and prayers!
THank you, Carol. I love your blog.
DeleteBetter to be safe and see if they can look at the mole. I started my journey in February of last year. Here for you if/when you may need it. Those foolish 80's tans are coming back to bite many of us. You can find me on facebook inder Sandy Armstrong DePaolo and I also blog. It is a great way to get stuff out!!! Sandy
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support, Sandy. Ahh, the 80s!!! I will look for you on FB when I have a little bit more energy. I am rooting for you as you journey.
DeleteI am on FB at Cloudy with a chance of Melanoma, my name is Julie and I started my journey 1 year ago this month. I too turned to Dr. Google and in hindsight truly wished I hadn't. The statistics are terrible and if there is anything I've learned along the way is when you've seen one case of Melanoma you've seen one case. They are all different but the same if that makes any sense. When in doubt cut it out!! The key to this beast is to catch it early, and find someone who KNOWS Melanoma. Praying for nothing more than anxiety but please keep us updated on what you find!
ReplyDeleteHI Julie...That is sure the truth about Dr. Google. In some ways, I'm glad I googled so much because it lit a fire under me that I didn't have before. But, now, all I can imagine is the worst. I have two young boys that need a mom and, even though I fight this impulse, I am a always look on the dark side of life kind of person :-) The statistics are absolutely horrible and I also made the mistake of reading blogs and so many ended with a beautiful, lovely, young person not making it :-( I need to get a different perspective about this since I'm sure lots of people have better outcomes, they just don't blog about it, right???? Anyway, I hope you're in good health and spirits. I will check out your blog.
DeleteI just started my adventure all I can say right now is stay up on scans and even if you are unsure about a mole or something insist on a biopsy I am now regretting not insisting few years ago I had three doctors tell me my mole was nothing to worry about but anyway on the bright side I have found a bunch of really wonderful blogging friends
ReplyDeleteI've just started seeing this dermatologist (today was my third appointment with him), but he seems very happy to biopsy anything that looks suspicious. It seems like your story is a common one- doctors deciding by sight that a mole doesn't need to be biopsied.
DeleteHope everything goes smoothly for you. My mind races and all I can imagine is how scary the early stages of this must be, as you learn more and more about the details of your melanoma. Glad you have found support online. I am very much an online community kind of person. I have a really hard time talking about this with my IRL friends.
It has not been an easy ride but as it has been stated each persons cancer is different even if it is the same type of cancer because everyones body handles the melanoma differently yes I have read all the details and how others have either had progression or they went into remission but my body won't react the same as yours so only God is in control of the out come what we can do is take care and not give up we can also take control of our care and work one on one with our doctors and learn all we can about what to eat what vitimins to take to help with our healing and recovery
DeleteThe fact of the matter is Melanoma is an equal opportunity Cancer and it is fierce, the devil himself, but I can say this, what 1 person expierences may not be the same for someone else. I too had a idiot Doc the first time I went in for the mole, I've nicknamed him Dr. Botch. The community of survivors and fighters is strong and growing more everyday the more this Beast comes to light. I have what I call "Molexiety" every 4 months when I got in to get checked, it's normal and natural to feel this way and it's ok to say that it Sucks! But..you are not alone..ever..there are too many of us out here to hold you up. The worst thing you could do is not take this seriously, the 2nd worst thing you could do is get so caught up in the "what if's" that you forget to embrace today, trust me I've been there hahaha. Please keep in touch, even if this is nothing more than anxiety and you come back clean, you have now been forever touched by Melanoma in one way or another and you can help someone else. This is Julie BTW not sure why it's not letting me comment as myself.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly the quandary I'm in now--- how to get myself OUT of the what if game. I am learning that under my collected exterior is a red hot drama queen and I let myself succumb to fear. I don't want to do anything but crawl under the covers....If I do have melanoma, well, I can't allow myself to react that way. I have to fight to "embrace the day."
ReplyDeleteI have checked out your FB page, and your story is wow!!! I know what you mean about being forever touched by melanoma even if this is not melanoma. I want to get involved somehow because, realistically, if it's not today, it will probably be tomorrow for me. I have a lot of atypical moles and a sister with melanoma history (in situ). I really, really hope the research continues to attract funding, and they find a way to stop melanoma progression.