But, I'm going to beat a dead horse.
I've been looking at the remains of Mr. Blacky, and I am really concerned by what I'm seeing.
Remember, Mr. Blacky was the blackhead thing that appeared out of nowhere and soon after developed a bruise around it?
Well, the biopsy site just doesn't look right, compared to all the other biopsy sites I've ever had. There is a red, inflamed ring around the biopsy site EXACTLy where the bruise was. It is much wider than the area of inflammation around the wound of the arm mole, which is a just a small red ring.
And, just now, I've noticed crusting to the side of the wound. This is just outside the area where the biopsy was taken.
Kind of out of my mind right now. I don't understand why results have to take so long. And, I certainly don't think this can be anything good. :-(
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Waiting...Still Torture
So, I got a mole taken off last Thursday. It was close to round, but the border seemed to be spreading a little.It was also two shades of brown, although my doctor noted three shades when he looked at it through his glasses. I hadn't noticed it spread or change, but I hadn't really been monitoring it, so I don't really know. My doctor told me it could be atypical or melanoma and, for some reason, I walked out of there determined to stay calm and not focus on the melanoma part of that sentence. Not even two weeks before, I had had three other disturbing moles taken, and they came back atypical. At least that made me realize such a thing is possible, so worry kept in check.
But, ever since getting Mr. Blacky taken off, PANIC has become my emotional state, and my panic is now transferring to this mole. I noticed, right after I had it taken off, the wound site had a cloudy appearance. It looked different than the wounds left behind by the three moles I had taken off just previously, but those had looked slightly different from each other as well. I hadn't really been paying close attention to the wound until yesterday when I noticed some disturbing features. The top part seemed darker than the bottom part, and you can probably guess where this observation took me-- THE DAMN MOLE IS REALLY DEEP AND HE DIDN'T GET IT ALL AND THIS HAS GOT TO BE CANCER AND THE CANCER HAS GOT TO BE ADVANCED. I started feeling my armpits like a mad woman for swollen lymph nodes.
Today, I have checked it out numerous times and, today, all of the wound is dark. Maybe it was just starting to scab over yesterday, but it hadn't made it all the way to the bottom of the wound. This makes me feel *slightly* better about the mole. But...and this is a big but...I noticed when I got out of the shower and the wound was still a little soggy and softened by the water, the grey tone was still there and I swear you can see pigment underneath, like a whole big section of it. From what I understand, he did the kind of biopsy where he scoops it out and tries to get the whole thing (so not a shave). But, Dr. Google tells me those kind of biopsies go to a maximum of .4 mm deep. I know, if this is melanoma, I want the cancer to be no more than .5 mm...so, even ole "Math is Hard Barbie" (remember her??) could probably figure out that remaining pigment does not bode well if this is cancer.
I went through this process last time too. One of the wound sites looked really different than the others and I thought I saw pigment and my husband told me, "Penelope, you have no way of interpreting what the appearance of the wounds might mean, so just put it out of your mind." Why, oh why did I pick such a reasonable life partner? I CAN'T JUST PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND.
I am desperate to get my results on this mole. Last time, I also had my moles removed on a Thursday and got my results 9 days later, taking me to Saturday. I really really really really really really really really really really hope history repeats and I get the word on this on Saturday. At least a Saturday phone call means it was put on the automated system and probably just an abnormole.
But, ever since getting Mr. Blacky taken off, PANIC has become my emotional state, and my panic is now transferring to this mole. I noticed, right after I had it taken off, the wound site had a cloudy appearance. It looked different than the wounds left behind by the three moles I had taken off just previously, but those had looked slightly different from each other as well. I hadn't really been paying close attention to the wound until yesterday when I noticed some disturbing features. The top part seemed darker than the bottom part, and you can probably guess where this observation took me-- THE DAMN MOLE IS REALLY DEEP AND HE DIDN'T GET IT ALL AND THIS HAS GOT TO BE CANCER AND THE CANCER HAS GOT TO BE ADVANCED. I started feeling my armpits like a mad woman for swollen lymph nodes.
Today, I have checked it out numerous times and, today, all of the wound is dark. Maybe it was just starting to scab over yesterday, but it hadn't made it all the way to the bottom of the wound. This makes me feel *slightly* better about the mole. But...and this is a big but...I noticed when I got out of the shower and the wound was still a little soggy and softened by the water, the grey tone was still there and I swear you can see pigment underneath, like a whole big section of it. From what I understand, he did the kind of biopsy where he scoops it out and tries to get the whole thing (so not a shave). But, Dr. Google tells me those kind of biopsies go to a maximum of .4 mm deep. I know, if this is melanoma, I want the cancer to be no more than .5 mm...so, even ole "Math is Hard Barbie" (remember her??) could probably figure out that remaining pigment does not bode well if this is cancer.
I went through this process last time too. One of the wound sites looked really different than the others and I thought I saw pigment and my husband told me, "Penelope, you have no way of interpreting what the appearance of the wounds might mean, so just put it out of your mind." Why, oh why did I pick such a reasonable life partner? I CAN'T JUST PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND.
I am desperate to get my results on this mole. Last time, I also had my moles removed on a Thursday and got my results 9 days later, taking me to Saturday. I really really really really really really really really really really hope history repeats and I get the word on this on Saturday. At least a Saturday phone call means it was put on the automated system and probably just an abnormole.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
The Waiting is the Hardest Part
I was able to get into my dermatologist today. He was completely flummoxed by what he was seeing. At first he described it as "crusty" (I would describe it as broken skin). He tried to break it open a little more and saw the black part. He couldn't explain the bruise. He told me he "thinks" it's nothing but took it off. So, now another biopsy that I'm waiting on.
Making small talk after you've gotten your fifth skin lesion off in 3 weeks is not the most enjoyable experience, but that's what I had to do with the nurse as she took me to check out. I got into my car and just started to cry. I am so, so, so worried.
Making small talk after you've gotten your fifth skin lesion off in 3 weeks is not the most enjoyable experience, but that's what I had to do with the nurse as she took me to check out. I got into my car and just started to cry. I am so, so, so worried.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Get with the Program, Skin
This is my very first post, and I really have no idea what I'm doing, so I hope this works out.
I'm sitting here in panic over something new going on with my skin. About four days ago, I noticed the teeniest blackish bump appear on my skin. It looks like a blackhead almost, about the size of a pore with a tiny bit of broken skin on one side of it. Of course, I squeezed it some, but nothing happened- no oozing or movement from the "thing." I'm not sure it's even a blackhead- did I mentioned it's on my wrist? Yeah, it's on my wrist, not exactly prime real estate for blackheads.
Two months ago, such a development wouldn't have phased me. I probably wouldn't have noticed it. But, a lot of things can change in two months. About a month ago, I noticed a new freckle appear on my hand and, uncharacteristically, that got the old wheels turning. I started looking at some of the moles on my pale body-- and I noticed a few that looked "bad." One was a dark mole surrounded by freckles on a spot of chest that had blistered when I was maybe 15 or 16 (stupid 80s!) The mole, I noticed, had a white ring around it. Gulp. Another was on my back, also in a sun damaged area. That one was also dark, definitely less than 5 mm but it had an inflamed, pink border around it. Gulp. Gulp. There were many other moles as well that disturbed me. My trip to the dermatologist resulted in three biopsies. These came back benign-- slightly atypical Clark's nevi.
The benign findings were a relief and not a relief. That trip to the dermatologist had not been a full body check so, given three suspicious moles that I was absolutely SURE in my heart of hearts were melanoma, I scheduled a full body exam. This resulted in one more problematic mole, this time on a sun damaged part of my arm. I'm still waiting on the biopsy results on that mole. I've got several days of waiting before I know the facts.
And, then, I notice d this blackhead.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my foray into ugly moles and melanoma scares sent me into the arms of Dr. Google and, as a result, I am all too aware that numerous people writing about their melanomas on the Internet describe them as beginning as a blackhead. Gulp. I feel so ridiculous going back to the dermatologist since it hasn't even been a week since I saw him last. But, Little Blacky refuses to let me forget about him. Of course, I have pressed on him a few times to see if there was any cyst or lump underneath. I don't know if that is the culprit or something more sinister, but there is now a small bruise shooting out the right side of the blackhead. I am beside myself with fear.
I'm sitting here in panic over something new going on with my skin. About four days ago, I noticed the teeniest blackish bump appear on my skin. It looks like a blackhead almost, about the size of a pore with a tiny bit of broken skin on one side of it. Of course, I squeezed it some, but nothing happened- no oozing or movement from the "thing." I'm not sure it's even a blackhead- did I mentioned it's on my wrist? Yeah, it's on my wrist, not exactly prime real estate for blackheads.
Two months ago, such a development wouldn't have phased me. I probably wouldn't have noticed it. But, a lot of things can change in two months. About a month ago, I noticed a new freckle appear on my hand and, uncharacteristically, that got the old wheels turning. I started looking at some of the moles on my pale body-- and I noticed a few that looked "bad." One was a dark mole surrounded by freckles on a spot of chest that had blistered when I was maybe 15 or 16 (stupid 80s!) The mole, I noticed, had a white ring around it. Gulp. Another was on my back, also in a sun damaged area. That one was also dark, definitely less than 5 mm but it had an inflamed, pink border around it. Gulp. Gulp. There were many other moles as well that disturbed me. My trip to the dermatologist resulted in three biopsies. These came back benign-- slightly atypical Clark's nevi.
The benign findings were a relief and not a relief. That trip to the dermatologist had not been a full body check so, given three suspicious moles that I was absolutely SURE in my heart of hearts were melanoma, I scheduled a full body exam. This resulted in one more problematic mole, this time on a sun damaged part of my arm. I'm still waiting on the biopsy results on that mole. I've got several days of waiting before I know the facts.
And, then, I notice d this blackhead.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my foray into ugly moles and melanoma scares sent me into the arms of Dr. Google and, as a result, I am all too aware that numerous people writing about their melanomas on the Internet describe them as beginning as a blackhead. Gulp. I feel so ridiculous going back to the dermatologist since it hasn't even been a week since I saw him last. But, Little Blacky refuses to let me forget about him. Of course, I have pressed on him a few times to see if there was any cyst or lump underneath. I don't know if that is the culprit or something more sinister, but there is now a small bruise shooting out the right side of the blackhead. I am beside myself with fear.
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